coming home is deleterious

So I totally didn't anticipate getting knocked on my back by this short summer back in the states, but I have slowly fallen lower and lower since coming home so that now i'm completely prostrate...someone would love to point out I'm sure that all you have to do when you're on your back is flip over to be on your face before God. Anyways, it's a familiar tune...one grows up, moves out, and comes home briefly only to regress back to infancy apon entering the family residence. I'm even slightly tempted to slam the door of my room on occasion in obstinence. It's so counter-evolutionary, and it's soffocating...

Actually what it really feels like is a fog, like I've lost all clarity since coming back. To the point where I'm stagnant. That's a bad place for me, a very bad place. I need to be moving, usually toward something, but moving in an unspecified direction with the sole purpose of moving in an unspecified direction even is a good place. Sitting here, abulic, and tormented by doubt, is not. When I began to question my return to Egypt, I lost all of my resolve to fight the good fight this summer. But I awoke this morning to...i don't know...almost an andrenaline feeling, like this is what I'm doing, I know what it takes to get there, so let's MOVE. I kinda feel this urge to run or clean my room or something...maybe the fog is clearing.

Around 6 weeks till I leave. That's about as long as I was in Uganda earlier this year, and God did so much awesome stuff during that period. If I look at it like that, and move toward the 21st of August with purpose, I just might get through this summer. Who knows, I'm taking it hour by hour at this point. 30 days begins today though, more about that when I am more confident that I'll follow through...