beware the rant

This is such a rollercoaster (I just went to magic mountain this week so I know what I'm talking about). This morning, I thought the storm had relented, the rain had faded to a trickle, the sun had broke through the clouds, and I was on my way...now it's the end of the day, and I'm drowning in torrential thunderstorms. I don't know what to do with myself, I can't open my bible or my mouth to pray, I give up so quickly!! I can't believe it's gotten this easy to get used to starting over, because that's what the last few weeks have been like, each day I tell myself His mercies are new every morning, and every night ends in wallowing. I thought today was different, I thought I had broken through the attack of the enemy. Turns out I'm a POW in this battle, subject to the whims of my captor. Where's the victory? How can I be stuck in these thought patterns of the past? Why can't I get through ONE day of fasting??? BAHHHHHH... Try again, tomorrow? After weeks of failure? I don't have it in me...