this is for me

bela7 must write, and it doesn't have to make sense or have a purpose. it's just my stream of consciousness...or multiple streams consolidating into a tidal wave (okay maybe a just a splash) of thoughts that must be written, that's all.


Stream:
I'm reading Galations this week, and considering I've been reading the bible for 23 years, it's nothing new. But! considering scripture is ALIVE and kicking, I'm always pleasantly surprised to be hit by a piece of sharpnel. And so it goes: I'm just reading along, actually I was reminiscing a bit back to a year ago when I was in Mexico reading Murray and Spurgeon and devouring Paul's letter to the churches of Galatia with near obsession. I've been crucified...I AM cruficied...I don't live, Christ lives in me...it's not me, it's Him now....my flesh is DEAD....dead....crucified. There I was, on the beach in Boca del Rio, my spirit roared and thrashed about with this scripture, a stampede against the enemy, an army of kilt donning warriors boasting in the name of Jesus "FREEEEDOMMMM..."

ya so this is a familiar passage, blah blah blah, but reading it this morning...well this is exactly how it appeared in my mind's eye:

"If, while we seek to be justified in Christ, it becomes evident that we ourselves are sinners, does that mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! If I rebuild what I destroyed, I prove that I am a lawbreaker. For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"

This is so random, but I just don't want to forget in an hour. Paul never met Jesus in the flesh, but he received a direct revelation...and he knew one thing: Jesus loved him. He just said Jesus loved him. How have I ever Not "read" that before? Paul really knew God's love, he just said it right there. Right there in Galations. Paul says "the Son of God loved ME and gave himself for ME." I have this picture of Paul the preacher, and preachers are always saying God loves YOU, gave himself for YOU. but Jesus loved Paul. Paul lived for that, for Him who loved him. oh man oh man!!!


Stream:
Aaaaaah I'm so sad. Rip the bandaid off already, all this slowly peeling off the tape and pinching each hair one by one HURTS! Leaving...I'm leaving...again. My sister. My life in Egypt is so far from here. am I making myself a stranger? I mean, I'm choosing a life there instead of here. Selling my car, student loans, two years of school. secret: I wish He would intervene with thunder and lightening....BAM!

speak now or....later....you know, whenever.


Stream:
"Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful." (if you can't guess who said this....um....let it go.)


Stream:

three minutes and fifty-nine seconds of Starlight

*smile*


Stream:
All we girls have to worry about is submitting to God. Ha! Take that!
i nefariously suck at submitting...to any and all authority.

(bela7 sits down)